Faith in God

There are different meanings of the word faith. I have faith in God because I 'know' he exists. However, I don't think I have faith in him anymore or, at least I question whether or not I have faith 'in' Him. A person can have faith in a person, in their existence,
I became a Christian because I believed God to be love but now I question that.
If God is not love and Jesus said that God is love then Jesus lied...
If Jesus lied...how can I trust him? How can I hold everything he said as being truth?
If Jesus lied, did he sin? Lying is wrong; lying is a sin; sin is wrong.
Sin is going against God/God's will.
If Jesus lied and sinned and therefore went against God's will...unless it was God's will for Jesus to lie.
If Jesus lied and it was God's will and since lying is wrong, doesn't that make God's will wrong? And wouldn't he be wrong just as Jesus is since they are a part of the trinity?
Why would some one want to serve such a being, one who is something he himself is supposed to be against?
And if Jesus did sin, then what is the point of being a Christian? He wouldn't be blameless...but I guess it is up to God to accept the sacrifice...but I don't think I can follow a liar especially when I feel I can no longer trust his words.
It seems life would have been easier if He never existed for it leaves me as a believer who can not follow. So where does this leave me? I can have faith that there is a hell (that that part was true); I can just continue living the way I have been and just try to be a 'good person'; I can follow Jesus blindly and trust his opinion of God and accept that it is a difference in opinion; or I can choose to accept that God is still love but more of a mean spirited, cruel love.
I guess this shows another example of being God's will...he ignored my years of prayers to never out live my love for Him (big surprise). -_-
I never wanted to live this long...and I didn't want to out live my love for God...but I am so unsure if I still love him and he me (or even at all).
It's been almost three(?) years now, since my last attempt, but the only reason I haven't is because that was when I understood why it was a sin-the abandonment of the concern of God's will and the complete lack of faith in his power to help me overcome...
but that is what I think I believed...now...it feels like my whole life I was a just a thing to brake....and I think it was never God's will for my family or myself to ever be saved (foolish me). I feel like all this suffering (being abused (physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually), loosing my life (friends, family, everything I knew), all the sacrifices (going far away to a 'Christian School' that didn't even have my desired major; suffering wit health issues; having to feel like a whore to take care of things;...), having constant obstacles...
I am tired of it and nothing seems worth it
I can't tell myself that it's for God.
I am tired of being told I suffered all that so that I could be a Christian
that I HAD to suffer all that
that it was God's WILL

I am tired of suffering
I am tired of living

Whose ever goal it was to brake my spirit one. Congrats.

To those in my life, I love you lots...and please don't be mad. Perhaps it is God's will that things end like this.