Pieces of Me

Everyone thinks of changing the world, yet no one thinks of changing himself. - Leo Tolstoy (what have you done today?)

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

the crab bunny mixture

Flakey crab cakes!!! >_< but I tried to pass the idea off to some of the family...
Why do I even bother talking to my family? Why?My dad thinks that I would be kidnapped (like anyone would want to do that to me) but I guess I am going to have to wait til I get away from all of them otherwise they'd probably break/burn/sell all my things while i was gone (yes they would do that) to get back at me T_T;So, if any persons willing to go in a few yrs let me know.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

busy, busy, busy

I started brainstorming for a manga I want to create - pics, texts, plot - but I got side tracked by my dad's b-day (yay celebrations!) and then a trip to visit my grandparents on father's day (yay more celebrating!).
k, I ended up getting a cool present from my cousin Takami (who is my 2nd cousin but closer to my age than my dad's) which she sent along with my dad's present. my dad got a really old photo album (it had pics of my grandmom as an elementary school girl back in japan but a few of my dad as a little kid). The album is really fragile and I am having to scan all of them so that I can burn copies for other family members. Takami is so awesome!
She went to japan several times and tried tracking down pics so this gift is very precious and thought out. She has always been great at giving gifts and I want to be able to do the same.
oh, also, my dad wanted to go to a japanese steak house for his birthday (birthday people eat free) but I was all for it. Our waitress was great - she warned us about our would-be-neighbors (they where out smoking) being a little 'loud' so instead of being next to we opted to be behind. Oh, did I mention the sushi bar? They had a sushi bar with a large selection so....I decided to try conch. I have never had this creature before but now i can say "I DON'T LIKE IT". it could have been my dad commenting on how it was like a giant snail or how they were served warmer than room temp or it could have been or the slight slime on them (I've had snail before and they were not slimy) that made the skin slide. whatever it was...I still like yellowtail, salmon, and octopus more.
I was able to see my grandparents (something I am grateful and fortunate enough to do) and it was a few days after my granddad's last surgery. He hadn't been eating so I was happy that he wanted to go for steak. Only my dad was able to finish his...but the food was okay and my granddad was happy.
when we got back we talked about life (relative issues) then my grandmom started trying to pressure me into switch cars with them.
I don't understand why she wants to trade in her car again. she thinks I should take their newer car while they take mine and trade it in to get another car....>_< why???
well, anyway, we did the present thing (i gave my dad his already -he picked out some cds and I paid (there is one in the mail I bought anyway that I keep checking for that I hope surprises him ^_^)) I also showed my grandmom how to copy cds and burn cds since we had talked about the photo album and she was interested in learning. ^_^ "people can learn things at any age"
anyway, I have much to do tomorrow...

Friday, June 15, 2007

Life is beautiful

The little gamer in me has turned me into an Animal Crossing: Wild World fan. In this Nintendo DS game there is a feature where the player can purchase paper and mail letters to the npc's with the chance that another player could someday read (should the player use the wireless features). When composing my letters I try to think of something that would inspire, encourage, or just make the reader think.
During one of my recent attempts I found myself at a loss and thought, "Why don't I just leave this blank?" and then it hit me: Life is a blank page.
I typed "Life is a blank page so go ahead and write your story" in hopes to stir something in some stranger. This got me thinking...and I don't write as much as I used to, both how what's going on and that stories and dreams that I come to me.
While still thinking about this I opened up another paper (the uber pretty Sparkly paper) an thought (and typed) "Life is beautiful so make sure to remember every moment."
Soooo, I'm going to do that through my writing; I am going to take better care of recording the moments...though not all may be posted but still.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Sprint workers are great!

K, today I had to change my phone number (AR=>FL) and when I was there a another worker noticed the cell danglies of mine (Ed & Al from FMA) and she thought they were cute. I told her who they where and where they were from...and I heard the guy changing my number comment about how great the show was....
This led us to talking about the show and my dad mentioned Metrocon (he was there with me) and I got excited and told him about the voice actors...and how Vic made a small movie/film that he showed at the last con...and then the sprint guy asked about the movie and (for some reason) didnt know the movie had been out and dubbed. We talked about and then we left.

The begining of the day was great but became more frustrating afterwards...
I went in search for the items needed to play my gamecube on my monitor...this is an ongoing search...

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Faith in God

There are different meanings of the word faith. I have faith in God because I 'know' he exists. However, I don't think I have faith in him anymore or, at least I question whether or not I have faith 'in' Him. A person can have faith in a person, in their existence,
I became a Christian because I believed God to be love but now I question that.
If God is not love and Jesus said that God is love then Jesus lied...
If Jesus lied...how can I trust him? How can I hold everything he said as being truth?
If Jesus lied, did he sin? Lying is wrong; lying is a sin; sin is wrong.
Sin is going against God/God's will.
If Jesus lied and sinned and therefore went against God's will...unless it was God's will for Jesus to lie.
If Jesus lied and it was God's will and since lying is wrong, doesn't that make God's will wrong? And wouldn't he be wrong just as Jesus is since they are a part of the trinity?
Why would some one want to serve such a being, one who is something he himself is supposed to be against?
And if Jesus did sin, then what is the point of being a Christian? He wouldn't be blameless...but I guess it is up to God to accept the sacrifice...but I don't think I can follow a liar especially when I feel I can no longer trust his words.
It seems life would have been easier if He never existed for it leaves me as a believer who can not follow. So where does this leave me? I can have faith that there is a hell (that that part was true); I can just continue living the way I have been and just try to be a 'good person'; I can follow Jesus blindly and trust his opinion of God and accept that it is a difference in opinion; or I can choose to accept that God is still love but more of a mean spirited, cruel love.
I guess this shows another example of being God's will...he ignored my years of prayers to never out live my love for Him (big surprise). -_-
I never wanted to live this long...and I didn't want to out live my love for God...but I am so unsure if I still love him and he me (or even at all).
It's been almost three(?) years now, since my last attempt, but the only reason I haven't is because that was when I understood why it was a sin-the abandonment of the concern of God's will and the complete lack of faith in his power to help me overcome...
but that is what I think I believed...now...it feels like my whole life I was a just a thing to brake....and I think it was never God's will for my family or myself to ever be saved (foolish me). I feel like all this suffering (being abused (physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually), loosing my life (friends, family, everything I knew), all the sacrifices (going far away to a 'Christian School' that didn't even have my desired major; suffering wit health issues; having to feel like a whore to take care of things;...), having constant obstacles...
I am tired of it and nothing seems worth it
I can't tell myself that it's for God.
I am tired of being told I suffered all that so that I could be a Christian
that I HAD to suffer all that
that it was God's WILL

I am tired of suffering
I am tired of living

Whose ever goal it was to brake my spirit one. Congrats.

To those in my life, I love you lots...and please don't be mad. Perhaps it is God's will that things end like this.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Stefan Banica Jr. - Toata Lumea Danseaza

ROFL I actually fell and hurt myself (after watching this). I dont know if i'd find it funnier if i had it translated. ^_^

Good Charlotte-Hold On

Whatever gets someone through is good

Saturday, December 23, 2006

meh: Astrology

many things have happened and i'll post about them later...
today is my birthday and i got a really unfunny/ironic horoscope:
by Jeraldine Saunders
If Today Is Your Birthday:
At the moment you might have everything you could ever wish for, but in some key family matter you might be deceived or be prone to deceiving yourself.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Keep an open mind. The words and views of others could broaden your horizons. By adopting a charitable attitude you might change a relationship permanently for the better.

Some ppl would be telling me 'i told you so." i'll add comments to all this later.

Blink 182 - What's My Age Again

no one will love me now >_<
*just turned 23*