Whine and Cheese

Yesterday was hard. Things got to the point where i wanted dairy...not the best thing..but terry seemed ...not 'angry' but 'unhappy'. but i wanted it...i wanted the numbness that comes from eating dairy...to many things have been going on...but..i wonder if it's sinning to eat things, knowing that it will hurt me?
That night, the group tried doing the 'washing of the feet' thing...i didn't want that...i almost feared it as much as i do the 'chair' thing...but...i couldn't go through with it. there were several reasons...but the one, after i reflected, that bothers me, is that i don't like people serving me. i am not worthy; i should be serving..i just...i have been blessed in so many ways...so why...
i am a hypocrite because i serve others but won't let them serve me...makes me feel worse...
i was later used as an example about how people can not force others to become Christians and stuff like that...more happiness...why do i cause so many problems?
anyway, things seemed to get worse because, today, i found out that the situation that my twin and mom are in are a bit dangerous...and that my twin told something to her in confidence to my father...i feel like it was the whole' distract him from me so i won't get in trouble' tactic of hers. it hurts.
well, i think that is enough complaining.
yay for today now though, because the film studies is doing a thing on comedy (Marx brothers) and brandt is speaking.
i think he is a very good speaker, he gets into what he's talking about so well. that, and i love hearing people talk about their passions and he is a very major fan of the Marx brothers. much fun ^_^ i think this weekend shows much promise. hope i stay distracted ^_~