hmmm

so many thing going on...i think i'm going to start moving things to this blog so i don't have to worry about keeping all mine updated. i checked out James' and he had an interesting quiz on it so...being the curious person i am, i took it. *sigh*

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.8
Mind:	7
Body:	6.4
Spirit:	9.6
Friends/Family:	4.4
Love:	1.5
Finance:	6.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Anyway, i know these are just for fun...but the conversation i had with him, along with this quiz, showed me i have much more growing to do. i really wish i didn't have to talk to henderson...the whole thing made me hurt bleed during chapel...which was worsened because i broke a promise, i need to stop talking to people..i think i will go back to how i was. i don't care how people don't like me pretending to be happy. well..
i do care..but things seem worse. this would never have happened if i had acted happy then he wouldn't have tried to cheer me up. if i had kept my mouth shut, maybe people wouldn't have tried to help and i wouldn't be in this mess. i should have just been stronger. i should have just tried harder but nooo. i am ever the weak person.
why? why did james ask this of me? i want the world to swallow me whole. doing what he asks feels like i am going against who i am. i have worked so hard at making people happy. i don't care what it costs anymore. i want people to be happy. how it affects me shouldn't matter. i have had more happiness than anyone like me should have been blessed with.
people should not care so much about me. they should not care. it hurts. maybe i am just selfish...but i am working on getting better.